Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir, by Akwaeke Emezi (autobio prose, 2021)

[lb_lee]

We have not read this book (and probably won't for a while, for reasons that will be obvious.) Many thanks to acorn_squash  for giving content warnings that allow this listing to exist!

"I want to write as if I am free."

Blurb: Through candid, intimate correspondence with friends, lovers, and family, Emezi traces the unfolding of a self and the unforgettable journey of a creative spirit stepping into power in the human world. Their story weaves through transformative decisions about their gender and body, their precipitous path to success as a writer, and the turmoil of relationships on an emotional, romantic, and spiritual plane, culminating in a book that is as tender as it is brutal.

Why is it worth your time?: Emezi's work is intense, beautiful, and badly needed in a whitewashed plural scene that pretends such experiences like theirs don't exist. They state that they had to pretend Freshwater was fiction, feeling they couldn't publish it otherwise, and Dear Senthuran is them writing without that bending over backwards for marketability. Although it will probably be quite some time before I am ready to read about their Igbo god agony of embodiment, I am very glad it exists, and I hope they find all the success and joy.

Plural Tags: nonhumans, intermediate abuse content, nonhumans [gods, spirits], spiritual

Content Warnings: contain spoilers; see comments

Access Notes: Available on paper, ebook, and audiobook. some of the chapters are available for free online, sometimes under different titles and/or with different editing choices:

• Fire | Dear Jahra
• early version of Mutiliation | Dear Eugene
• Masks | Dear Maki
• Canon | Dear Daniel is available here, although unfortunately Emezi is misgendered in the blurb.
• (New York Times, paywalled) Deity | Dear Eloghosa
• Maps | Dear Toni (There's also an early version.)
• Anointing | Dear Ann
• Early version of Guard | Dear Katherine

Comments

Content Warnings!

[lb_lee]

So many. From acorn_squash:

The only all-pervasive theme of Dear Senthuran, present in every part of the book, is godhood. The destruction of the body, including ritual sacrifice, sexual cannibalism, mutilation, body horror, and eye horror, is a recurring theme, typically used as a metaphor. In some chapters, Akwaeke Emezi discusses their history of suicide attempts in explicit detail. Emezi explores their history of trauma, which includes child abuse in all forms, toxic relationships, poverty, and civil war, and their coping mechanisms, which include disassociation and multiplicity. They experience dysphoria and chronic illness and encounter medical transphobia and ableism. They revel in luxury spending, sex, and decadent food. They face racism, financial abuse, and gatekeeping as they try to make a living through their writing.

The chapters that most prominently discuss monstrosity are Mutilation | Dear Eugene, Deity | Dear Eloghosa, and Desire | Dear Eugene. The chapters that most prominently discuss plurality in some form are Masks | Dear Maki, Propagation | Dear Katherine, Canon | Dear Daniel, and Desire | Dear Eugene.

Chapter by chapter content warnings:

Nowhere | Dear Katherine: The primary themes of this chapter are disassociation and homelessness. It also includes discussion of suicide by drowning, and arguably includes depiction of self-harm. It introduces a relationship that later turns out to be toxic, but doesn’t include this relationship’s abusive elements; I’ll only be warning for this relationship in chapters where it is obviously bad.

Fire | Dear Jahra is about trauma. It includes description of riots, burning alive, corpses, extreme poverty, insects, serious injury of children, government breakdown/state-sanctioned violence, animal harm, child sexual abuse, child emotional neglect, child physical abuse, disassociation, and Islamophobia.

Mutilation | Dear Eugene includes dysphoria, transphobia, prejudice against gods/non-humans (& some anti-human sentiments from the author), suicide mentions, surgery descriptions, internalized colonialism, and extreme physical pain.

Execution | Dear Nonso is about writing and God. It includes madness as a positive experience and reveling in luxury/money. Metaphors used in this chapter include the lack of food and water.

Deathspace | Dear Marguerite is about abuse and suicide. It includes abusive parents, brief mentions of good food, brief homophobia and ableism, very detailed descriptions of an attempted overdose, disassociation, dysphoria (brief), self-hate (the feeling that you’re just looking for attention), fame leading to suicide attempts, vivid metaphors involving blood, an ableist harassment campaign, a financially abusive friend, brief but detailed description of a suicide attempt by hanging that involves looking up instructions online, and financial trouble.

Masks | Dear Maki includes lies/manipulation, body horror metaphors, and the experiences of being fake and being real.

Propagation | Dear Katherine has a very graphic and detailed description of a suicide attempt by hanging that involves looking up instructions online. There are also wounds and plant death.

Canon | Dear Daniel includes institutional racism and the idea that certain books are inappropriate for children.

Deity | Dear Eloghosa is about godhood. It involves death, the author’s intentional disassociation, allusions to csa, mentions of necrophilia, human-normativity, the author’s experience of cruelty as a natural part of a god’s personality, and abusive parents. Metaphors used in this chapter include self-harm, body horror, and eye horror.

Training | Dear June is about the author’s human mother, abuse, and reincarnation. It includes suicide attempts, dysphoria, self-injury, systemic violence, a brief mention of institutionalization, child emotional neglect through abandonment, and a brief mention of child physical abuse.

Worldbending | Dear Kathleen is about writing and the experience of being frozen out of a racist community. The author’s good experiences in this chapter include an abundance of food and money. This chapter also includes fear of success (described in a non-intense way), post-surgery needs and care, brief descriptions of misogynoir and cisheteronormativity, and mentions of alcohol.

Maps | Dear Toni is also about writing. There is a brief, vague mention of suicide. The author describes coming out with the knowledge that the establishment expects conformation to Western cultural norms and cisnormativity.

Muse | Dear Nonso involves a toxic relationship that includes human-normativity and financial abuse. It also includes anxiety and fear of failure.

Gore | Dear Senthuran has very graphic sexual fantasies about cannibalism and skinning people alive. It includes, in a positive or neutral light, mentions of people who have actually done this. The author mentions harm to animals, animal death, and having done malpractice in vet school. There is also decadent food and vivid descriptions of consensual branding.

Money | Dear Nonso is about writing. It involves racist, ableist, institutional financial and emotional abuse, financial instability, debt as self-sabotage, homelessness, suicide coming with success, and luxury spending in a positive light. There are also mentions of abusive mothers.

Shiny | Dear Marguerite is about luxury spending and good food. It also includes descriptions of trauma that involve insects, panic attacks, child neglect, poverty, animal harm and neglect, and the feeling of not existing.

Nonexistent | Dear Ann is about suicide. It includes bad experiences on social media, the author’s cruel behavior in a relationship, emotional pain, and hopelessness. There are metaphors involving body horror.

Dreams | Dear Katherine is about godhood and involves explicit, detailed homicidal ideation, the author’s cruelty, and fire.

Consummation | Dear Kanninchen has explicit sexual content. Metaphors in this chapter involve body horror, death, and math.

Home | Dear Jahra is about godhood. It includes reclaiming culture, the experience of being mixed race & assimilated and being cast out by a culture, lack of self-confidence, animal sacrifice, a bad relationship, some brief misogyny, child abuse (sexual, physical, and emotional), seeing an abuser again, homophobia, cisnormativity, and religious prejudice.

Desire | Dear Eugene is an explicit sexual fantasy about someone who is, in real life, partnered and not interested. It includes discussions of cheating, ritual sacrifice metaphors, mentions of sex negativity, queerphobia, and rape causing multiplicity.

Holy | Dear Eloghosa includes feeling unwanted & lonely as a god, semi-explicit sexual content, drug & blood metaphors, masking, brief descriptions of painful sex, and emotional pain related to trauma.

Anointing | Dear Ann is about godhood. It involves labels, reclamation, cultural gatekeeping, madness, and ableism.

Pain | Dear Daniel is about disability. It includes chronic pain, hospitals, chronic illness, sobriety, suicidality (mostly nonspecific), and doctors being gatekeepers in a transphobic way.

Glory | Dear Tamara is about writing and includes institutional racism, institutional transphobia, and toxic award cultures.

Undefeated I Dear Kanninchen is about toxic relationships and suicide, and includes explicit descriptions of the death of loved ones, cheating, and the author blaming someone else for the author being suicidal. Metaphors in this chapter involve body horror, eye horror, and flensing.

Grief | Dear Eugene is about grieving the breakup of a toxic relationship. It has brief sexual content. Metaphors involve blood, guns, and body horror.

Resurrection | Dear Yshwa is about suicide. It includes drinking to cope (brief), toxic relationships, an overdose attempt, hospitals, and a non-graphic ritual sacrifice metaphor.

Marks | Dear Jahra is about tattooing. It involves hospitals and self-scarring as a religious body modification.

Guard I Dear Katherine is about writing and abuse. It involves abuse-related self-doubt, references to toxic relationships, ableism, harassment, and vague mentions of suicide.

Impermanence | Dear Kaninchen includes dysphoria, the breakup of a toxic relationship, codependence, references to death, and fear of abandonment.

Opulence | Dear Kathleen is a cheerful chapter about luxury spending, good food, and good clothes.

Regeneration | Dear Ann involves trauma healing, death and resurrection as a positive thing, fear of abandonment, a non-graphic panic attack, a decomposition metaphor, and discussion of a toxic relationship.

[acorn_squash]

Thanks for posting! I'm sorry I couldn't condense the content warnings more - I think this is the only post so far where the CWs are longer than the post itself...

[lb_lee]

Hey, better to be thorough, and that's why we put the CWs in the comments, so people can choose to skip them if they prefer! We appreciate the hard work you put in!

[stealthsystem]

For any systems with print disabilities who are also Bookshare users, it's also on there.

[acorn_squash]

Oh! Additional access note! I was looking through Emezi's online portfolio and I realized that some of the chapters are available for free online, sometimes under different titles and/or with different editing choices.

Fire | Dear Jahra

early version of Mutiliation | Dear Eugene

Masks | Dear Maki

Canon | Dear Daniel is available here, although unfortunately Emezi is misgendered in the blurb.

(New York Times, paywalled) Deity | Dear Eloghosa

Maps | Dear Toni (There's also an early version.)

Anointing | Dear Ann

Early version of Guard | Dear Katherine